Losing your confidence happens to everyone at some point in their lives. Maybe you were very confident before, but because you moved to a new city, graduated college, went through a breakup, or life happened, you’ve found yourself not having that confident spark you used to.
You work hard to build your confidence back up, but your efforts seem to not go anywhere.
In this article, you will learn to build back your confidence, from someone who has been through the experience.
My Own Experience – Why Read This Article
Hi, my name is Andrew. I’ve been at a very low point in my confidence before; after I graduated college I had no job, no money, no friends, and never dated in my life. Other than having a few low-paying jobs, my situation stayed the same for a few years. But after some work, I eventually got back on my feet. I now have a high-paying job I enjoy, a side hustle I love, many friends, and an amazing fiance. I know very well how to build back confidence from rock bottom and in this no BS guide, we will walk through how to build back your confidence step by step. This guide will help you no matter what situation you are in.
Self Confidence Defined
It is important to note that what we mean by building self confidence, is building confidence in yourself and around other people. This is not a guide in building confidence to run faster, be a better public speaker, or be amazing at your job (Though that is not mutually exclusive)
6 Ways to Build Back your Confidence
1. Consider Working with a Therapist
In working to build your confidence back, it is important to work with a therapist. Why? By working with a therapist, you have a neutral third-party you can speak with who is not involved in your life. You can share all the vulnerable parts of yourself you’d be too scared to share with close friends or family.
Therapy is not just for people with strong mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder or clinical depression. It is for anyone who can use a sounding board, and understand their behavior and underlying motives better – i.e. everyone. Through therapy, you will understand how little any of your behavior is your fault, and it is possible to change it so you feel more in charge, happier, and of course, more confident.
2. Follow Through on What You Say You’ll Do
There is something gratifying about following through on what you promised yourself you would do. By following through on your own promises, you develop self trust. You start fostering a belief in yourself which is “I always finish what I say I will do”. Even by starting small – by working out when you will workout to promising to call your family weekly, what will happen to your big goals when you follow through on every promise? It means you are much more likely to achieve them. And when you achieve them, you can’t help but feel amazingly confident. You don’t have to achieve grand goals, but if you keep those small promises that you’ve been breaking lately, you will feel so much better.
3. Take Care of Your Body
In the documentary Stutz, Philip Stutz, actor Jonah Hill’s therapist, mentions a concept he uses called a “Life Force” – the force we all have within ourselves that directs our lives. And he mentions that our own physical health, what we eat, how often we work out, and our sleep quality, accounts for 85% of this life force! It’s no surprise – if you think about it, if you were to eat healthy so your body feels great, sleep well, and work out often it can do wonders to your mental health. Exercise has been linked to a better mental state, more physical attraction, mental clarity, and higher self-confidence. If you’re wondering why you feel crappy, consider going for a run. You will feel better immediately.
4. Go Out and Socialize
You do not have to work on yourself or be in “Personal Development Mode” 24/7 to get ahead in life. In fact, that is counterproductive. If you were to look at young people with high paying jobs, you will notice that most of them have excellent conversational skills – even if they didn’t have a prestigious college degree.
The world we live in today, and throughout history, is driven by people who communicate. What’s great about socializing is that you get to leave behind your work, your occupation to let go and have fun. Socializing is one of the activities that is amazing for your spirit and mental health yet feels like play. Building your confidence in social settings will make you a better conversationalist wherever you go – at gatherings, on dates, and in the professional world.
To practice going out more, start with friends you know. Initiate to meet up for coffee or in a group. If friends are out of town or hard to reach, you can start with Meetup groups. Let loose, and have your focus be on building relationships over “impressing” people. Your confidence will grow just from that mindset.
5. Practice Self Compassion
It is easy to beat yourself up when things do not go your way. Yet, it is in rough moments or in “down” points in our lives that it is more important than ever to practice self compassion. You may think that beating yourself up or giving yourself “tough talk” will get you to take action to change, but it in fact does not. All this does is keep you in a negative thought pattern that only perpetuates your actions.
Giving yourself compassion helps you let go of the situation so it no longer holds energy on you, thus freeing you to charge ahead at the life you want.
What Self Compassion Looks Like
Self compassion is often what you say to yourself when you make a mistake or something doesn’t go your way. If you just experienced a break up for example, you may be thinking “Man, I bet she left me because I didn’t have my life together enough for her”. Instead, it may be healthier to think “We were not a good fit, and I’m glad we got to find our own happiness”. Or, if you overslept one day and were late for work or to a friend’s meetup, it may be because your body is exhausted and needs a rest. You do not want to make excuses for every incident – note the difference between self-compassion and enabling. But when you practice self-compassion and choose to work on better habits, it is a recipe for progress and confidence.
6. Journal What’s Working and What Isn’t
When you journal, it is an opportunity to reflect on your day or week. You get to see, without a filter, what’s really going on in your life and how you feel about all of it. This gives you greater insight on how you think, how your current life is, and what you can do in the near future. Start by setting aside time each night, or at least once a week to work through any issue you are going through. The more you journal, the more clarity you will have and the happier you will feel. You will have a better overview of your life and action steps to take.
Confidence and Visualization
Every part of the list up to this point is on taking actions that will result in greater confidence. But what if I were to tell you that you can feel more confident immediately just from visualizing? Visualize yourself feeling more confident – having a more projecting voice, standing taller, and carrying yourself a different way, and you will feel more confident.
It is important to note though, that the visualization needs to occur in a certain way. There are many experts on this matter, however one that is revered in particular is Dr Joe Dispenza. His method requires you to tap into a deeper state of mind before visualizing. It is also important to see yourself in first person and to feel the emotion as if you are actually having the experience. The process takes at least 20 minutes to do. You can find a great exercise here.
Do not be disappointed if you do not feel anything the first or second time. It takes practice.
Conclusion
Building your confidence back up after being in a rut or after a life event may seem like a long and arduous road. But keep in mind you are not alone, and 99.9999% of people go through this. The only people who do not make progress in life are those who do not try. And because you came to this article and read up to this point shows that you are trying. So take care of your body, understand and work on your emotions, keep your promises and practice self compassion and you will not only feel 100% like yourself, but you will be in better shape than before.
Want 11 powerful tips on building your social confidence? Download your free social confidence guide here.
Ready to take your social and dating life to the next level? Tried reading blogs, listening to podcasts and listening to unsolicited advice from friends but nothing seems to be working? Having a social skills coach may be a game changer. Consider applying for a coaching call here.