It’s 5pm on Friday night. Your coworkers are all sharing their exciting weekend plans, which may include: a highly-anticipated concert, a nice date with their partner, a fun house party, and other social activities.
Meanwhile, you’re sitting there either not knowing what to say, or if asked, you throw the usual “Oh you know…just chilling. Keeping it low key.”
Deep down, you know you want SO much more out of your life. It could be a solid group of friends, or an awesome, cute, like minded dating partner.
While having a consistent group of friends can do wonders in your overall happiness and confidence, having that special partner can change your life. In this ultimate guide, we’ll go over how to approach dating as an introverted guy. We’ll cover topics such as:
- How to Boost Your Overall Confidence in Dating
- Dating Advice for Introverted Guys
- Do Dating Apps Work for Introverted Guys?
We will also cover the possibilities of further support – including group support, if getting a dating coach is worth it, when you should consider further support, and more.
Remember – as helpful this guide can be, guides are meant to be a springboard for further action. We hope that in reading our guide on dating advice for introverted guys, it inspires you to take action to build an epic dating life.
Why You Should Read This Guide – What Sets This Guide Apart
Hi, my name is Andrew, Head Social Confidence and Dating Coach. I have been an introvert, more or less, most of my life. I have struggled with dating from my teenage years and throughout my twenties. I thought dating was so hard, until I realized it didn’t have to be this way.
After much trial and error, painful rejections, and lonely weekends, I am happy to say I’ve come a long way in my dating life. I was able to meet my first soul-level girlfriend at 30 – in which we proceeded to buy a house together, get engaged and get married!
Because of the trials and triumphs I have gone through, I created this blog to help other introverted men with their dating life. Much of the advice on dating out there is meant for quick hook-ups or pick-up art, which unfortunately does not work for introverted men. I believe this guide, written just for you, may change your life.
So without further ado, let’s dive in.
How to Boost Your Overall Confidence in Dating
Dating can be a little tricky in 2024, especially as an introvert. Dating isn’t as simple now as it was in the 1990’s, since people were forced to interact more in person. This made it more common to approach a woman in real life, ask for her number, and call her to ask her out on a date (and women were more receptive to this approach).
Fast forward to today in a post-COVID society, where social media and dating apps complicate the process a bit further. Combine that with people busier and distracted than ever, no wonder dating can be tricky – people feel as if they have less time for it.
However, there are still a few steps to dramatically boost your overall confidence in dating, even as an introvert:
Go Out More – Build Your Social Circle
If you can only do ONE thing to boost your confidence in dating, this would be it. Going out more can increase your success in dating 10x (really), and it makes sense if you think of it.
For one, socializing with others regularly makes you happy, and more confident in talking to women when you do talk to them. You’ll be better at filling in conversations, keeping the dialogue interesting, and making her laugh.
Two, going out more leads to more life experiences – concerts, travel, exploration. All of these lead to more interesting convos and makes you seem like a more interesting person overall, which intrigues women.
Lastly, the best benefit of building your social circle is that you’re more likely to be introduced to new people, including dating partners. This takes some pressure off of being on dating apps all the time. And it saves you from nerve-wracking approaches out in the street.
Yes, it may be difficult to go out more at first. Your social anxiety may get to you – but think of it this way: it’s much less pressure building your confidence in casual environments than in just dating. And the more you go out, the easier (and more fun) it becomes.
Dress Well and Hit the Gym – but Don’t Overdo It
It doesn’t take much effort to dress better, but when you do, you feel much better about yourself – you might as well do it. It’s the same with going to the gym. By dressing well and working out, introverted men start to see themselves in a new light and feel more comfortable in their own skin. When you look and feel good, it naturally reflects in your posture, eye contact, and overall presence—qualities that are very attractive.
That said, it’s important not do overdo it, especially going to the gym. Going just 3-4 times a week, 30-45 minutes at a time can do wonders for your confidence. Don’t make the mistake many guys make by turning their gym into a place of worship. Doing so can alienate yourself, keeping you quiet, and what some call a “gymcel”.
If You Think It Builds Confidence…Do It
Everyone has unique activities or goals that make them feel empowered. Whether it’s learning a new skill, taking up a hobby, or working on personal growth, doing things that make you feel proud and accomplished leads to greater self-assurance.
When introverted men invest in themselves in ways that genuinely make them feel stronger or more capable, it builds a sense of inner confidence that’s incredibly attractive.
Over time, these little steps create a positive feedback loop, helping them feel more at ease in social settings, and ultimately more confident in approaching dating.
Each of these steps is about gradual growth and feeling good about yourself, which is what makes confidence authentic and lasting.
Dating Advice for Introverted Guys
Now that you’ve built a better baseline for your overall confidence, it’s time to meet women and go out on dates. Here’s some solid dating advice for introverted guys, from a fellow introvert.
If You Keep Going, You are GOING to Succeed
Your dating life may seem like an absolute MOUNTAIN for now. Getting womens’ numbers, and going on dates that actually excite you and are productive may seem like a struggle at first. You might face some heartbreaking rejections that may make you want to swear off dating.
However, as long as you keep going and make dating a healthy habit (keyword: habit), it is inevitable that you will succeed.
This is another reason it’s important to enjoy going out with casual friends and keeping up with your hobbies – dating doesn’t end up taking over your entire world.
It’s Okay to Take Things Slow – but Show Interest
In the world of pick-up art, and a fast-paced society, it’s easy to believe that women want you to move fast. However, for most women, it’s just the opposite. They prefer someone who will take their time in getting to know her. By going this slow approach, you are showing that you have control and that you have confidence in your own life. It may feel much better and easier for you as well.
And no, you will not “lose” her if you go a little slow. Make small efforts to show interest, even if you’re keeping things low-key. Listen closely, ask questions about her interests, and offer genuine compliments. This helps her see that you’re engaged, even if you’re not the most outgoing guy in the room. Showing that you’re invested in the conversation without trying to dominate it will make her feel appreciated and respected.
Know When (and How) to Ask for Her Number
If you’re getting along well in person or on an app, take that as a cue to ask for her number. For introverts, it’s often best to wait until you sense a mutual connection—don’t rush it. By mutual connection, it means it is easy to talk to her, you may discover mutual interests (hobbies, music tastes etc), or similar values (wanting to travel, spend time with family).
It is not necessary to ask for her number if you don’t feel any connection – no actual mutual interests, personalities don’t click, or you just don’t feel the chemistry. You don’t have to do it – even if she is cute. Not even “for practice”. Let it go.
As for how to ask for a woman’s number, here’s an actual helpful trick. Many men will say “I’ve really enjoyed chatting with you—would it be okay if I got your number so we can keep in touch?” works totally fine. However, another way to ask is to see if she would be up to meet somewhere – to check out a museum, a coffee shop, or something of mutual interest. And if she says “Yes”, then ask “Great, what’s your number so I can contact you?” It works wonders.
And this leads me to my next point…
Plan Thoughtful, Low-Key First Dates
If you’ve taken the time to get to know her in-person, and on the phone, it may be time to ask her out. At this point, you should have an idea of what her interests are at this point. Use this to take her out to a quiet place where you can build conversation and get to know each other. Some good ideas for this would be a coffee shop (classic), a museum (if she’s into that), or a walk in a park. TIp: it honestly doesn’t matter too much what you pick – the whole point is for both of you to get to know each other. Don’t get too worked up on what to do on your first date. And if she mentions enthusiasm for museums – that’s a great first pick!
Bad Ideas for first dates: avoid places such as a concert, movie theatres, and maybe even the beach. Concerts are too loud and not personal, watching a movie gives little opportunity to get to know each other, and the beach may be quiet but she may feel conscious about her body on the first date.
Remember to Follow-Up
After the date is over, if you enjoyed your time, be sure to text her on the same day saying “Hey, I really enjoyed our time together”. This is a great way to show you’re interested without being too pushy. You can also mention something about the date/conversation that stood out, like “I didn’t know you were also into (shared interest)!” and end the text with “Look forward to meeting up next time”. The idea is to make her feel desired, that she is fun to be around, and that you want to continue dating.
Do Dating Apps Work for Introverted Guys?
Absolutely. But, you have to know how to make them work for you. The thing is, many guys think they can just hop on a dating app, throw some pictures up, and get dates within the first week or two. Here are some common mistakes guys make on dating apps. If you can learn to avoid each one, you could be in the top 1% of guys on dating apps.
What NOT to Do On Dating Apps (and What to Do Instead)
Mistake #1: Use Poor-Quality or “Lone Wolf” Photos
Many guys use blurry, low-quality, or overly filtered photos—or worse, they post group photos, making it unclear who they are. Low-effort images suggest a lack of seriousness and can lead potential matches to skip over your profile.
To make a stronger impression, choose clear, well-lit photos that showcase your personality. A mix of solo shots, action photos of hobbies or travel, and one or two close-ups creates a fuller picture of who you are. These authentic, varied photos help tell your story and set you apart.
Again, this is why it’s important to go out a lot. You get some variation in your photos, showing yourself in photos with friends, traveling and going to concerts. See a theme here?
Mistake #2: Write a Bio You Think Women Want – Instead of Who YOU Are
Leaving your bio blank or using generic phrases like “Just looking for someone chill” doesn’t say much about you. A lackluster bio can give the impression that you’re not putting in any effort, which can turn people away.
It’s also not a good idea to write a bio that you think women want (writing about EDM when you don’t like the music, saying “Gym is life” when you only go a few times a week)
Instead, write a few sentences that highlight YOUR genuine interests and personality. Mention specific hobbies, unique experiences, or quirky facts about yourself. Showing a bit of humor or passion gives others a reason to connect with you, making it easier for potential matches to feel a spark.
Mistake #3: Start with Boring Openers
Opening messages like “Hey” or “What’s up?” are all too common and don’t inspire interest. Since first impressions matter, starting with a generic opener makes it harder to stand out in someone’s inbox.
A good practice is to reference something in her profile and craft that into a message. For instance, if she’s into hiking, you could say, “I love hiking – what are your favorite trails in the area?” or “What’s the best travel spot you’ve been to?” Thoughtful questions show you paid attention and open the door to a real conversation.
Mistake #4: Treat the Chat Like an Interview
Some guys make the mistake of treating the chat like an interview, asking rapid-fire questions without responding with their own experiences. This is no fun for her and can come across as lacking in social skills.
Aim for balanced conversations. After asking a question, share your own experiences or thoughts as well. Show genuine interest in her answers, and respond thoughtfully. Creating a back-and-forth exchange feels more natural and enjoyable for both of you.
Mistake #5: Wait Too Long to Suggest a Date (or Ask Too Early)
While it’s important to build rapport, chatting endlessly without suggesting a meetup can stall momentum. Many matches lose interest if they feel the conversation is going nowhere.
It’s okay for a chat to last for 2-3 days, but beyond that, it may be good to ask her out when you’ve built rapport and sense a good connection.
Once you do feel a connection, suggest a casual meet-up. Keep it light and straightforward by saying something like, “This conversation’s been fun—want to grab coffee sometime?” Moving from chat to real life shows confidence and keeps the momentum going.
On the same note, you don’t want to ask too early. Having only 2-5 exchanges may be too early. Use your gut to feel what’s right for you.
Conclusion: You WILL Succeed in Dating with Consistent Action – Take Action Today
Dating as an introverted guy doesn’t have to be daunting. By focusing on your strengths—thoughtfulness, authenticity, and a natural knack for meaningful connections—you can create a dating experience that feels comfortable and rewarding.
The biggest takeaways are to socialize more (which solves 90%+ of your dating problems), while being respectful of a woman’s boundaries and showing interest at the same time. Learning how to balance that takes practice, but you will get there.
With patience, practice, and a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, you’ll find that dating can be an enjoyable journey of self-discovery. So take it one step at a time, be kind to yourself, and stay open to the possibilities—you’re already on the right path.
Want to learn to better your overall social skills so you have an abundant social life with likeminded people and increase your chances in dating?
Check out our Social Confidence Guide.